By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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