Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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