Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
