apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
