Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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