hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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