my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
