And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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