my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
