I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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