he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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