May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
