Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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