I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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