If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
