i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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