Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
