You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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