I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
