And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
