I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
