Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
