I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
