On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
