dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
