dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
And then he peed in my hair
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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