The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
