And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
