She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
