and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
