last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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