You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
