i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
