Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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