Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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