I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
