I wish I only lived at night.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
