Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
