I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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