I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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