pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She even gives head with a lisp.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
