sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
