i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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