I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
