i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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