My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
