I accidentally burped into my bong.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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