just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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