I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
