This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
