I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
