I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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