My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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