So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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