i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
