Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
