proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
