Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
