i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
