if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
