just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
